I think I'm back....

It has been a while since I wrote. It has been a while since I've actually felt this way. It's so overwhelming, I can't even lay out my emotions and reflect them in sentences. I used to write, hope, and dream. There is a lot I used to do that I've drifted away from. It's weird because in this dark and angry moment, I feel alive again. Not that I am happy that any of this is happening. Just that for the first time in a long time, I want to write and I am. That I am laying out my entire emotions in writing and I feel human. I don't feel numb or afraid anymore. Although I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, how long this will last, or if it has truly ended. One thing I am for sure is that the Julie I once believed was gone has suddenly sparked in me. Not much has really changed but something in me just clicked.
It really has been a long time since I've been on here and it really saddens me because I set my mind into having something I could secretly have and come back to....and if in the future I wanted to, I'd share with close ones. Yet life moves on and you never really have pen and paper to record it. Life doesn't pause to give you time to remember, it continues yet that's the beauty. It's forever marked in life. You can't changed it or erase it even if you didn't even write it because it is stained on you. Yet those experiences make up who you are.
I used to be afraid I had lost who I am. I believed someone took it from. It is sad because I believed a man took that from me....I know, pathetic right?....But imagine giving yourself completely to a person with no disregards of what they may do to your mind, heart, and soul. Then one day they destroy it. I don't care what anyone says, It kills you in some "symbolic" way.
I am GLAD to say I have found love...again. Amazing love- the kind of love every women should feel. Every time you open your heart, it should be different. I wont get into all the different ways of explaining it because every time you experience love; you should feel beauty. Honestly he is a hard one to explain yet lovely. It's really crazy- our love story that is.
I used to write and write; heck I have books dedicated to another man yet it never came close to the way I live it with the man I am in love with now. I guess I was meant to live this magical ride with him, not worry so much about proving something to everyone else.
Life has grown and I can't even begin to describe how it has blossomed. I know it is cheesy how everyone says, " A year from now, you won't be where you are today." That is AMAZING! It's because it is so true. You will never imagine what your life has left for you but you better enjoy every bit of the good or bad.
It's good when you start feeling content about life.