I Breathe Dance...

   We usually take for granted and forget to appreciate the things in life that make us most happy. Its not till we're endanger of losing it all that we start to imagine a life without it and it's then that when we realize how much we can't live without it. When it was time to let go of the one I thought I couldn't live without..well that's when it hit me. Erick was the only man I had learned to love so deeply and just in a blink of an eye, one trip to the mall, and a very shocked Julie...well that was it. He was gone. Out of my life and ready to start a new life. We had dated for a very long time but when it all seemed to be ending; it seemed so short and sudden. I quickly hit depression and thought there was no other pain I could have felt then to lose my so-called "soul-mate".
   ..but i somehow found hope and a whole new passion to grasp on. It was my therapy..It was the arms that held me when I needed warmth. It was my crutch through my injury...my light through the dark moment I was going through. DANCE grabbed me by the arm, demanded me to stand tall,and proved to me that their is other things worth living for. Its always been my everything. I breathe dance and without it..I don't know who I'd be.
   Lately, I had been very busy with performances and I was more than happy. When others groaned about long tech rehearsals, i was happy to have the chance to dance. Finally the night had arrived; "On the Edge" was ready to be performed and I was honored to perform a solo as well as a piece I myself choreographed plus other pieces my amazing friends had choreographed also. During performance, in a leap I did, I landed really bad on my knee and injured it.
  Ever since then I have been dealing with emotional and physical stress. I have fell into a depression although I haven't lost faith. I don't doubt God for the things he puts me through but it's frightening. I have been praying almost every day and crying every other minute. I have so much going for me next semester with company and ACDF! I finally had got accepted. I have visit a doctor who had said it was most likely a torn ACL and today I took an MRI to figure out what it really is. I spend hours online trying to figure out whats happening. I have distant myself from others, I don't have a normal diet, and I find myself thinking about Dance and my future everyday. At this point nothing else matters. I might need a surgery and to top it off I have no health insurance. I am trying to deal with money issues as well as trying to find insurances that can help me. I haven't yet got my results and I don't want to lose hope but it's just killing me. It makes me sad to know that my knee might never be the same. I am willing to do anything to just go back to dance with my amazing company members that have been wonderful friends through all this. I am hoping I can deal with a torn ACL for a semester while I try to take in when I can. If it's necessary I will try to figure out how I will do with the money and get the surgery that takes pain, rehab, and almost a year to recover from. Which also pushes back the plans for NY in the summer. I just want to work hard to be healthy and back in the studio. I want to enjoy company while I can with my friends and live each moment enjoying life. I hope it all sorts itself and maybe I'll learn a lot from all of this. I already have...If only I could go back to my normal state of dance or even better I will hold on to every moment I have to perform on stage. Its an amazing feeling. Its my life. I love every moment of dance. I really hope the results come back with positive feedback. I don't want to give up..I WONT let myself. it's my life and it will continue to stay that way. Losing isn't an option!
   I'm thankful for my father, bff, and friends from school that have helped me every step of the way. It sucks that I had to end the school year this way. I was looking forward to a positive 2013. I haven't told my mother to nit worry her and that also makes me sad.
   I remember going to church and praying about it. It made me feel great. I don't think I'll ever forget what Happened that night at church. Once church was over a lovely lady approached me. She went by the name of "Angela." I never had seen her before and she was the one that pointed it out. She said we'd never seen her around before but I sat in front of her that day and something told her God put me in front of her for a reason. She told me how God was speaking through her and that God wanted me to know that everything was going to be okay. She didn't know if it was only about my knee or something else I was going though but she felt the need to tell me it was all going to be okay. She gave me a hug and I felt hope...I felt good. It was an amazing moment I never want to forget.
   I don't know if what I'm going through is a test from God, If it's a lesson to learn, if it will go by quick or last a while...but whatever it is I know deep down inside I'll be okay.

DANCE has been by my side ever since I could remember and never will I give it up. I don't see my life without it......