10/11/12

     One moment you are on top of the world then the next your hopes are just shattered. I admit I must have been stupid to believe I had once again found some sort of happiness. You gave me hope, young one. You really did, that alone should make you feel worth the time. This time around I cant even be angry because It's completely understandable what you have to go through. I agree it's difficult. You have no idea how similar we have it. Yet you couldn't give me a chance, you couldn't let me in. I know anyone would probably say; "Who would fall that easily in such a short period of time?" I obviously did! It gave me a whole new feeling. I spoke so highly of you and it all was for nothing.
     I look at all this and I contemplate how maybe I could have destroyed it with my ways of being so impatient yet you lead me on. You also told be the truth and I kindly appreciate it. I guess I got swept away with the feeling of again feeling butterflies or looking forward to someone. Even the feeling of believing I was willing to let go of my past- well that was so amazing. I felt so alive and special again. You were obviously different then my ordinary habits and far more different then what I usually long for . Yet all of that I was willing to try. Why is it that I feel as though when everything seems to be going great and I am once again happy; everything breaks apart? I am not that girl. You know, the one that looks for happiness in someone else yet goes person to person to find whats right. Now I know you must have options but I don't want to search; I want to once feel as though I have felt what was right; try it and if it doesn't work I at least knew I tried.
     I knew you felt different and you also liked it. You must have felt some sort of feeling for you to respond to me the way you had. So why couldn't you just go with what you were feeling? Why couldn't you just let me in? Why couldn't you just give me a chance? Its not as difficult as you imagined. I wasn't going to hurt you. You did right by ending it before anything got any worse. You were truly worth it though. Every feeling expressed towards you I wont regret. My imagination ran wild and I felt alive again. Thank you! I don't even know you all that well but I know you're wonderful and deserve what's amazing.